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| I sat on the love seat with an empty ice cream carton,
watching the credits roll for Rush Hour. I flipped through some channels before
deciding to go to bed. I crawled up to my room and sank into my bed. I checked
my phone. Three missed calls, a test, and a voice message. Andy called twice
and Aiden once. Alice sent me a “What’s up?”
The voicemail was from Aiden: Hey Addy. I was just wondering
if you were feeling any better. Anyway, feel better and I’ll call you tomorrow.
I wanted to hate him or, at the very least, be angry at him.
But..damn, he made it hard. I knew we weren’t “going out” or a couple or
anything like that. I mean, we just hooked up, but he obviously hadn’t
forgotten. Whatever. I needed to stop thinking about him and focus on something
else. I needed to sleep, but, suddenly I wasn’t sleepy. I don’t remember
dialing the number, but the phone was ringing and someone was bound to pick up.
I breathed deeply a couple of times before I heard someone on the other line.
“Hello?”
“Um…hi. You called?” I said in my cool, no-i-didn’t-see-you-making-out-with-some-chick-at-some-party
voice.
“Oh. Yeah. How are you feeling?” He asked, with genuine
concern in his voice.
“Mmm . Better…and worse.”
“Whaddya mean?”
“Oh..I don’t know. I guess I’m better but sometimes just
seeing something can make you feel…weird, you know?”
“OH MY GOD! Did you see your parents getting it on?!” He
yelled, disgustedly.
“Oh! God! NO! No.. Ew! Wow, no. Nothing that gruesome!” My
problem seemed like nothing next to that.
“Well then, how bad could it have been?”
“I don’t know. Like when you don’t know how someone really
feels. Not knowing where you stand, with a guy.”
“What are you talking
about?”
“Oh..I guess maybe seeing you all over Ashley tonight?”
“What?!”
“Yeah. I SAW you. So don’t even try to pretend it didn’t
happen.”
“Okay, first of all: What the hell? I ask you to come out
with me and you say you’re sick. Then you go out and SPY on me?!”
“I wasn’t spying.”
“Then what exactly were you doing?”
“I went to that party with my brother. I just wanted to get
our. But that’s not even the point. The point is , why were you making out with
that whore?”
“Look, I called you. You said no. I went alone, and, well…whatever.
I thought you weren’t interested, okay? It’s not like I did anything wrong.”
“Yeah, actually, you did. You led me on and now what? You
don’t want me? Did you ever want me or was I just the ‘girl of the night’? You’re
just going to push me aside now?”
“That’s not what I did at all. Jesus. Look, Addy you mean more
to me that that. But..well I..do you?”
“Well, yeah. I mean…I’ve always..”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I just never thought I had a shot, you know? I mean,
you were always just my big brother’s best friend.”
“And you were just my best friend’s little sister. So. Now
what?”
“Well..How about you stop kissing slutty girls and..we’ll
see what happens. Sound good?”
“Sounds splendid.”
“Good.”
“Great.” “Good night.” | | |
| I went back downstairs and saw Andy getting his shoes on by the door.
"Where are you going?"
"Party. Wanna come?"
"Are you serious? Go to a party with you?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"I don't know. It's weird."
"Well, you wanna come or not?"
"Well, I'm not really dressed or anything..."
"So, hurry up! You can use a night out."
"Fine."
I hurried upstairs and got my red pants out from under my bed and my striped black and white tank from my closet.
I sprayed and antifrizzed my hair as best I could and headed downstairs while getting my belt on.
Alex rang the bell right as I was getting my shoes on.
Andy smooched him once and told me to hurry up if I wanted to go.
"So, what brings you here?" Alex asked me through the rearview mirror.
"I dunno. something different, I guess."
"She just wants to get some." Andy added.
"Shut up!" I hit him in the shoulder.
We arrived at a familiar looking house and got out of the car.
"Will you be okay on your own?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine." I answered my older brother.
Not knowing what I was in for, I headed inside with my brother and his boyfriend.
I recognized a few people from school.
A couple of them were already passed out and others were dancing around half drunk.
I made my way to an empty spot next to a kid named Brian from my phys. ed class.
"I've never seen you outside of school before." He started.
"..Nope. "
"So...Do you party?"
"Not with you." I smiled. Then I got up and headed into the kitchen.
I took a jello shot and sat down on the counter.
Then I saw Heather, the girl Marvin was currently banging, come in.
"Hi Ad, how's it going?" She smirked.
"Great. Perfect. Why are you here?"
"I'm here with my friend and I could do without the attitude."
I didn't have a witty comeback so I let her head into the front room without anything.
Since I figured I had no one else to talk to, I followed her in.
Well, I stayed in there for about two seconds before making quick strides towards the door.
I got out my phone and texted Andy: Im walking home.
"Y?" He texted back.
"I dnt wanna talk bout it. Wait til home, k?"
| | |
| When I got home, Andy was lying on the couch. He was still in his pajamas and he was watching a lifetime movie. He looked at me and then went back to the movie.
"Where have you been?"
"Breakfast."
I took off my shoes and dropped my purse next to them. I sat down at Andy's feet and he made a little room for me.
"Who with?"
"Who with what?"
"Who were you at breakfast with?"
"Oh. Alice."
"Hmm."
I settled into my spot to watch the made for TV movie. It looked the same as pretty much any other lifetime movie. The girl was left out. The girl had low self esteem. The girl did whatever she had to do to become popular. I headed up to my room. I opened up my iBook and typed a new entry in my Xanga. Then, right when I was about to hit post, I clicked delete. The little window came up, "Are you sure you want to delete?" Yes. I looked out the window and pondered what Alice had told me earlier.
Maybe I was just another girl to Aiden. Maybe I was just in the right plpace at the right time. But it didn't feel that way. I didn't want it to feel that way. Maybe I was rushing into this way too fast. When had he said he wanted to be with me? I always seemed to jump to conclusions. I couldn't help it. We would have looked good together. We would have made an awesome couple. But he never mentioned wanting to be with me. Maybe I was just another hook up. But I wanted us to be so much more. Then again, I barely even knew him. The day before was the first time I'd seen him in months and look what happened. Did this make me the "get some" girl? I didn't want to be that girl.
Once again, my phone was ringing on my night stand.
"What's up?" He asked.
"Oh..um. Nothing. You?"
"Nothing, really. I'm really bored."
"Yeah. Me too." I answered, even though I wasn't bored at all. I was far from bored. Butterflies danced around in my stomach.
"So, you wanna hang out tonight?"
"I'm not really feeling that great. I think I'm just going to stay in," I lied.
"I can come over if you want."
"Thanks, but I'm just going to sleep, so.."
"Oh. Alright, then."
"Yeah, sorry. But definitely some other time."
"Okay. Some other time. I'll call you."
"Good night." "Good night."
I don't know why I said no. I mean, I did know, but I didn't know...if that makes any sense. I wasn't sure about him. Of course, who WAS I sure about? I didn't remember the last time I was sure of someone being for me. But there I went again, thinking that he wanted to be together. It was barely 3:14, but, for some reason, I felt drained. I read a little bit and then passed out on my bed. When I woke up, it was 6:22 and I still couldn't stop thinking about him.
| | |
| “But mom!” Sarah shouted.
“No buts!” Her mother answered firmly.
It was the third time Sarah’s mom was making her take her brother along on a date. Sarah didn’t understand why her mother insisted on this. She blamed her brother for wanting to tag along and go to the carnival. She blamed her mother for not taking him herself. She stormed up the steps to my room and called Justin.
“Hey.” He answered.
“Hi. Listen, my mom said I have to take Jason with. Is that cool with you?” She asked timidly.
“Uhh. It’s fine I guess.” He said after a short pause.
“Alright then. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye.” He said, sounding disappointed.
She raced from her room to the bathroom and back looking for her black eyeliner. She decided that she would have to go without it today. She hurried down the stairs to find her brother. He was limping around wearing only one sneaker. She asked him to choose a different pair since they were already running late. Sarah heard the car pull up in the driveway and ran to find a different pair of shoes for Jason. She grabbed her jacket off the coat rack and picked her purse up from the floor.
She trotted out the door with Jason trailing behind her. She had given him a sucker to keep him quiet and he was struggling to get it open wince he had mittens on. When they got in the car, Sarah leaned over to give Justin a quick peck on the cheek. To her surprise, he turned away hastily and said, “Let’s go.”
As soon as they arrived to the carnival, Jason started shouting for joy. He wanted to go on every ride and win every stuffed animal there was. Sarah bent down and told him not to embarrass her. Justin shook his head. He looked even more impatient than usual. Sarah told him she was sorry about having to bring Jason along again. Justin sighed a very long sigh and nodded for Sarah to keep walking.
They bought their tickets. They had just enough for each of them to go on three rides. The first ride they decided on was the Twirl-A-Whirl. Justin decided that had been a waste of tickets and that he should get to pick the next ride. Justin picked the “big kid ride.” He picked the one that goes upside-down which freaked Jason out. He said he would sit this one out, but Sarah didn’t think he should be left alone. She told Justin he should go without her and they would wait for him at the exit.
“What was the point of even coming? We’re not really getting to spend time together because of your brother.” He said with a taste of anger in his voice.
“I’m sorry, but I’m not going to leave him here by himself.”
“This is stupid.” He said and stepped out of the line.
He grabbed her wrists and led her over to a bench.
“What are you doing?” She asked, trying to bat his hands away. She already had a bruise on her wrists.
“Listen, I am really tired of having to baby-sit your brother all the time. How can I believe that you love me as much as you say you do, when you won‘t even go on this ONE ride with me?”
“Well, I’m sorry, but I mean, he’s only 8. Something bad could happen.” She said, looking at the ground.
“Look at me.” He said, jerking her up by the wrists. “This isn’t a lot to ask. It’s just one ride.”
She looked at him. Actually, she looked over his shoulder. She didn’t need this anymore. The bruises on her wrists weren’t the only ones he had given her. She looked back at him. There was such anger in his eyes. She hadn’t known so much anger until she had met him. She looked back at her brother. She tried to shake his hands loose.
“Just take me home.” She replied softly.
“Whatever. Let’s go then.” He threw her hands down and walked with a fast gait to his car.
“Thanks. Come on Jason.” She said when they arrived at her house.
Justin quickly pulled away as soon as Sarah and her brother had stepped out of the car, barely giving them enough time to close the door. Sarah crouched down to Jason’s height and embraced him in a warm hug. They stayed in the driveway for a good three minutes. When they finally walked in, Sarah quickly ascended the stairs into her room.
She took a shoebox out of her closet and stuffed in anything that reminded her, even remotely, of Justin. She looked in the mirror at her arms and noticed just how much damage Justin had done. She wished she could remove her bruises and stuff them in the box with all the other trinkets that made her remember. But she couldn’t. She picked up her phone and punched in Justin’s number.
“Hello?” He answered.
“Hi. We really need to talk.”
| | |
| As soon as I walked into the restaurant, I searched for Alice. She was in the first booth and I think she had been watching me cross the street because the first thing she said to me was, "You should be more careful We wouldn't wanna lose you." with a giggle. She watched Arthur too much. I sat down on the opposite side of the booth and picked up a menu. I scanned the pictures for something that looked good.
"So, what's going on?"
"Breakfast. . ."
"Duh. I mean, what did you want to tell me about?"
"Oh. Last night."
Jenny the waitress came by to get our order. I decided on the French Toast. She took the menus and brought over our drinks. I looked out the window at the little girl attempting to hula hoop in her front yard. I was a pro at hula hooping.
"So, what happened?"
"Huh?"
"Last night. What happened?" She spoke slowly and loudly as if talking to an old man with a hearing aid.
"I'm not retarded. You can talk to me like a normal human being."
"Alright. Well, what happened?!" I could tell she was getting antsy.
"Well, Aiden came over last night. Andy and Alex were there so they were catching up and stuff, but then Andy and Alex left."
"Oh god."
"I didn't even get there yet! So, we Aiden and me were just sort of sitting there. Chillin, you know? And so then I asked him if he wanted ice cream and. . . Well, long story short, we ended up making out in the living room." I added a wide grin to that one.
"Oh. Cool."
"Don't get so excited. You might fall out of your seat." I added sarcastically.
"Sorry. I'm happy for you, really, but Aiden gets with a LOT of girls."
"How would you know? You don't even know him." I snapped.
"And you do?"
I sat back. I thought about it for a minute. Then our food made it to the table. My french toast was cold and my hash browns were gross. Alice cut her eggs into smaller eggs and cut those into smaller eggs and then ate them. I looked out the window again and the hula hoop girl was now doing hopscotch. I felt Alice looking at me, but I didn't look up at her. I went back to my meal and ate as much as I could handle.
"Ready to go?" She asked me.
"I guess so."
We payed the cashier and left a two dollar tip on the table for Jenny. I opened the door for both of us and we stood outside for a few minutes.
"Look, Ad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I really am happy for you."
"It's fine. I'll talk to you later."
"Alright. Bye."
"Bye."
She didn't offer me a ride, as I hoped she might, so I had to make the long journey home on foot. Four blocks had never seemed so long. I thought about Aiden again, but it was quite the contrary to what I had been thinking when I had walked in the opposite direction. | | |
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